In loving memory...

i woke up this morning by mag's phone call. didn't dare to pick it up because i promised her to call rosline's parents at 8pm last night which i forgot. was afraid that mag would be angry.. later then to find that phatass sent me a message at about 9am to tell me to check if rosline was okay, that he heard that something happened.. i was thinking, 'no way. nothing would go wrong. she promised me to celebrate with me once she's out from the hospital. no way... can it?'

i got up slowly. still feeling a lil' drowsy as i slept at 4am. but when i rang her house twice and her brother's cellphone and there was no answer... i started to worry. i tried calling her brother again, thinking that everything was alright and that i wanted to get the doctor's letter from him so we could help raise fund for her family. but when he picked up and told me the news that she passed away 5.30am that morning. i sank.

'it can't be.'

for a moment there, i was too sleepy to even absorb everything. no. she's playing a trick. she must be. she had her whole family to punk us all. that's right! that must be it.. but when i started receiving more phonecalls and messages, i cried.
called the boyfriend who was out for a jog and having breakfast with a friend, i was so angry that he didn't have the courtecy to message to tell me he was out. but i had lost the will to scold. i cried. and cried. and cried. poor boy, he must have thought that he upset me so badly.

i rang shalini up for her house address as i could not bear to call her family members again as more messages and calls came in regarding rosline...

somehow i thought of raindrops. and how as each raindrop touches the pond to form ripples, it reminds me of how much she has touched all of our hearts, especially mine. it grew bigger and bigger like the ripples as we exchange stories and gossips throughout college times, camping and even sleepovers. i remember so clearly, she hates to do anything to do with her hair. she never wanted to cut it nor dye it but only rebonding. i remembered asking her to assist me in a hair modelling show which later she rejected because she couldn't bear to cut her hair. she's bald now. and the last i saw her was not an image i would want to remember her as. the whole college was so sullen today. everyone was praying and mourning for her silently. the even worst part of today was that the college only received the news that because of her critical condition, her course was able to push back the exam dates for her to resit... but now, she's gone.

she promised me to celebrate her birthday with me once she was feeling better. even last saturday when i saw her lying on her sick bed, i told her to get well soon so we could go to genting to celebrate, and she even nodded her head obediently.
she promised me. so why did she leave?! i should be angry at her! you promised me! why?! ...
i can't take this. it didn't really hit me that she won't be here anymore. that she won't be here to share my stories, my laughter.
she was the one who made me realise i had feelings for M.S.G., she was the one who couraged me to go forward to try to make the first move. she was the one that brought us together... i didn't even get to thank her properly.... i want her here. to be with me. i've waited for 3 months for her to come out of the hospital. not this. i don't want this. i want her to be at college, to have more sleepovers and to be at my wedding. she planned it with me... 'petals of roses on the floor, lots of candles and champagne.' remember, ros? remember? .....

it's seriously hard to say goodbye. no wait. i don't want to say goodbye. i want to keep her close in my heart. and never let her go. i will always love you, Rosline 'Suki' Lam Soo Kean. you will always remain a special place in my heart. and that, i promise you.






Note: to all those who would like to pay their last repect to our beloved Rosline, there would be a memorial service for her tonight and tomorrow ( 1st & 2nd of August 2006 ) from 8-10pm. contact me for her house address. thank you.

Rest In Peace, my darling Rosline. ( May 31st 1987 - August 1st 2006 )