So i would have to admit life has been tough.
I knew I had to dedicate my life to cleaning poop,
eating with one hand and always putting baby priority
but motherhood is so much more than this.
I wont say that motherhood gets any easier.
There are always obstacles over obstacles
but you become stronger or would i dare say
ive gotten used to the routine and the sleepless nights.
I used to read stories of parenthood and think:
‘How bad can this sleepless night be. Ive done clubbing before.
Cant be that hard isnt?’
And it wasnt hard. I mean the waking up, wasnt hard.
It was the constant feeding, burping, cradling,
and rocking a cranky, crying baby who wouldnt sleep.
The “staying up” takes 1-2 hours,
and before you are able to settle back to sleep,
baby wakes up again for another 1-2 hours of feeding, burping, crying.
I fell into depression shortly after my complicated delivery.
I was upset with her
and wouldnt hold her besides feeding time.
To make things worse,
my lochia didnt stop and i was bleeding
for slightly over 2 months.
It was dawning upon me i needed help
and i had the most supportive partner
but it just wasnt enough for me.
I was upset to the point i totally understood
what it felt like for mothers who ran away
and abandoned their children.
Yes. You can judge me.
But i worked hard on changing myself.
I wont say ive 100% got this down
but everytime ive a breakdown,
i walk out of the room, cry for a good 1 min
then walk back to this:
And everything just melts away. Sigh. :’)